How do you take home more than him if you earn the same? Is he picking up all the benefits / 401K payments, and you get the W-4 deductions?

It's not just that there should be another category, but that the categories that are there, don't match the question at all. If the question is "Are you comfortable with a woman as the primary breadwinner?" Then the answer's should be Yes, No, Other.

The answers to this poll try to ascertain WHY your answer (only) yes or no. This invalidates the poll results.

Someone who answers yes or no, but not for any of the reasons stated is not represented. Get your act together Newsvine. This is too common a problem not to address.

How do you take home more than him if you earn the same? Is he picking up all the benefits / 401K payments, and you get the W-4 deductions?

If one partner is self-employed, he/she will generally owe more taxes. He or she will also have more business expenses, though some of those will be deductible (which means more money will be seen come next April, but less in the meantime).

Also, some jobs don't offer sick leave or vacation time (no such thing for the self-employed). Some people get paid under the table. Some are salaried, and get no overtime.

I always find these studies and article amusing, because my parents were living this life going back to the 1950's!! Because my dad was a teacher, we had the same schedule, so until he died when I was 13, he was my primary caregiver. he was the one who made me breakfast, and during the week made dinner. He was around when I got home from school and was there for all the 'mom' things, like the doctor and stuff. He cleaned the house. My mom did the laundry, and baked, but the kitchen BELONGED to my dad.

I also find it amusing that you still have women who will claim it's ok, until THEY are confronted with this kind of situation. and there is STILL a tremendous bias on the part of most women about marrying DOWN.

I find it amazing that "geniuses" like yourself manage to connect ANY subject matter to illegal immigration.

Ted,

I'm a Hispanic living outside of the American Southwest. I've never robbed, raped, murdered, nor stolen an identity. My son is in college on a COMPETITIVE full ride academic scholarship, my daughter is an award winning musician and all A middle school student. Where do we fit into your America? By the way, my salary is on the low six figures, and my wife makes more that me.

Is English your native language, ted?

Great googly-moogly that's a whole lot of crazy going on up there! What a dark and sad outlook on life. I think ted needs a hug, just not from me.

Wow, cavemen still exist....

God Bless you Ted! Glad to see someone realizes the truth.

Sounds more like Ted's own weird version of the "truth" to me...

Yeah, I'm guessing Ted's got something to say (English is my first language and I'll be dam**d if I know what he's actually getting at (other than he might be getting his American Census information from Iranian Press TV (???))

I found, though, that there are families like mine that can and have "broken the mold" completely, but we do it be being strong in relationships - with each other, with other human beings, all around.

I am more of the logical type (AND emotional now after having our daughter). I am WAY more aggressive than my husband in as far as - I grew up poor - I don't want to be poor anymore - so I work hard, talk straight, treat a CEO like a Gardener and a Gardener like a CEO ... in other words, all the same.

I think this translates well into the business world - as it's enabled me to achieve a career where I'm making $70k+ on just a high school diploma.

I guess if more families have an "A Type" personality like me in their dynamic... and if they encourage that growth and ambition (and if the person is loved and appreciated), it's not going to matter who brings home the bacon.

My husband calls me his sugar momma... and I call him my "drrrrrope dade sexy mahn" (Scottish accent). He cooks, does the housework, goes to school and gets the kid ready for school. I bring home the money, put our daughter to bed and take her to the park and give him come hither looks to make him feel wanted - and tell him I appreciate everything he does to take care of us.

He still loves football, cars and Axis and Allies. I was never very high maintenance girlie, but he lets me have the TV on Saturday for Husker games and Romantic comedies (Sunday is for NFL).

So... the only time this really matters is if the parties involved cannot overcome NATURE to actually NURTURE their loved ones and careers at the same time.

Americans have blamed immigrants for every work woe for a long time. The Irish were blamed in the 1800's, the asians in the early twentieth century, then Mexicans. Get over it.

Funny you are using the discussion about women in the work force and the changing family to spout yout racism. I know it may be hard for a moron like you but try to stay on topic. Next time you think you have a thought just let it go, it is likely just gas. Definitely large amounts of hot air.

Great read Ted and it hits the mark DEAD ON!!! Legalize or get the HELL out!!

Randy,

Dont you mean one of those full MINORITY give away SCHOLORSHIPS!! And good luck on finding a Musician JOB for the daughter!! If you were born here or went through the right process to become LEGAL and pay your TAXES than thats OK but if you didnt and are taking advantage of the system like most HISPANICS than you to need to GET THE HELL OUT!! Nothing like a GOOD RECESSION to send them back to GOOD OL MEKICO!! Thats about the only good thing coming out of it,the sceneary around my house and town is much better LOL!!

PTOWN,

Nevermind what that loser BILLJOY says you can spout your RACISM anytime you want to I LOVE IT!! BILL JOY is probably a CALIFORNIA LIBERAL PETERPUFFER and is whats wrong with this Great Country now a days!! Let one of those illegals take his job and see if he doesnt sing a different tune. Illegals and the DNC UNIONS UAW are to blame for the topic on hand you libs are just to STUPID to ADMIT IT!! It is an example of how GREEDY OVERPAYED and UNDERWORKED Westerners and Northeasterners have run businesses overseas!! EVER wondered why those areas in our country are the ones STRUGGLING the most!! You know I dont have to tell you! An OVER-INFLATED STANDARD OF LIVING(I love those words) has been bankrupting this country for decades and at least since they have been inflating phony (aka taxes and property values) money year after year it just couldnt and cant be sustained..Why are people moving out of the northeast and out west quicker than you can say DEFEAT IN 2010 and 2012!!

I think you got off the point and topic here. Try and stay on the topic

I know Dancingeagle and for that I am sorry!! But I am trying to wrap all this into a cause and effect syndrome and it does make since it just took 20 or 25 years or more to get us to this point..On the topic Me and my wife make about the same but I would not have a problem with her being my LIL SUGA MOMMA LOL! We have been PAYING OFF DEBT and SAVING MORE and I think that is another great thing about this recession it has brought people down to EARTH into reality world. I LOVE MY COUNTRY but what a SAD shape we are in..

If ignorance were a commodity, you would be the richest man in America. I've got news for you -- some of "them" were actually born here! And not just born here because Mommy came across the border at the right time but because she herself was born here. And even again, because her Mom was born here as well! Shocking, isn't it? Take my hubby. His ancestors didn't have to do anything at all. They were just minding their own business when one day, in the late 1800s, the white man came along and said, your area is now part of the United States. Instant citizenship! So, if you want to really get rid of all the Hispanics, then you need to ditch pretty much all of the southern states as well as many of the Rocky mountain ones, as well. Good luck with that.

Oh, won't someone please think about the forlorn, down-trodden white males in America! We should hold a telethon or something.

Sorry Miguel, Obama's in office now. You'll have to wait AT LEAST 3 more years until it's your turn. LOL

Scole,

Randy said full Academic scholarship and you know it. Why do people like you need to drag discussions like this into the mud. That was straight racist BS and it has no place in our society. Further the arts(music) are the heart of any civilization and I applaud your daughters strength Randy.

Hey, Rush -

Why don't you just use your real name? You're not doing a very good job of hiding your real identity...

Scole, 

Sorry it took so long to get back after your thoughtful response.  Apparently you turned off your considerable comprehension skills when you saw the word Hispanic, so let me state again...COMPETITIVE scholarship.  It means he received the award based on his academic achievements.  As for my daughter,  perhaps she won't have a job in music,  but did you notice that I also wrote that she is a all A student?  She'll be fine.  By the way,  I was born in Pontiac, Michigan and I'm not going anywhere.  If you're so afraid of brown people,  maybe you should be the one to get the hell out.

would you elaborate on that?

I'm surprised that such a hard worker as yourself has enough spare time to survey the number of women it would take to confidently keep using "they" and "them" as an entire group. If I were to make my own egregious assumptions I would say I am also surprised such a blue collar guy is watching John and Kate Plus 8 or anything on TLC for that matter. How very enlightened of you. Of course your desire to hit women reduces that enlightenment a bit, but they deserve it, right?

Just a reminder, Neil (although, I don't like the "breeders" either)... the protections were originally put in place because NO ONE would give women a chance at education... just like other minorities.

Now, if you want that changed (or adjusted to the times - which I would agree with you there) - contact your congressman, your senator, your president.

If you don't like how you see one human being treating another, say something. If you don't think it's your place, put yourself in a place that MAKES it ok to say something.

And Neil... in public, I'm the talker, but my husband is still the boss at home. I submit to him in the home, even though I'm the dominant personality... because I do believe, at least for us, that dynamic works.

It makes me feel like I don't HAVE to be in control... he can make the decisions, he chooses what we have for dinner, what we see at the theater, but NOT all people are built the same.

I would recommend you have a long discussion with whatever woman has treated you this way, because it's skewing your view of the opposite sex. If it's a woman that is dead now, that's harder, but you can still try to just forgive or forget (or neither) but move on.

People are all different, within any given "grouping".

Be happy, Neil. It's infectious.

Neil, you forgot that women are also smarter than men. I learned that in my sophomore year of high school. As freshmen, they were as bad as the boys, but the next year, they were twice as mature and three times as smart. From then on, they left the boys further and further behind. I have nothing against Obama, but I wanted Hillary to win just to see how good this country could be with a woman running it.

My wife is smarter than me, and I have no trouble at all admitting it. I am extremely proud of all she's accomplished (I'm 59 this month, and she's 57). She has her own business license for a home-based artistic painting business. She started with a painting instructor, but when she got better than the instructor, she went out on her own. For her day job, however, she works in a hospital, in MRI. Before that, she was in x-ray. She became supervisor of x-ray, then made the jump to MRI without any schooling, just OJT. She's going for her MRI license next month. The test looks scary to me, but she'll ace it, she always does. No matter where she's worked all her life (including before me) she has risen to the top. That is, as high as she's wanted to go, because if she went any higher in a hospital, you get into straight administrative stuff, and no more actual hands on floor work. She doesn't want that, and neither do the Radiologists who read the MRI scans. Many times they ask for her input when they're reading them. They used to do the same in x-ray when she was there. About ten years ago, I was in the hospital with a blood clot to the brain. There were seven doctors treating me, and I should have died or become a vegetable. They didn't confer with me, they went to her, and then she put it in my language and we decided what I should do. I know at least half of the doctors on a personal level, and they know they had it made with me, because they could speak their doctor-speak to my wife and she could understand them. Guess you could say I literally placed my life in her hands!

MRI is all computer controlled, the MRI tech controls the computer. I've been into computers since the DOS age, so I know my stuff. She never had until joining MRI. She always told me, if anything ever happens to me, please leave instructions, cause she had no idea what I did. Well, I've gone to work with her now and seen her in action in the MRI control room. She said, "What do you think of this program?" I said, "How do you even know what you're doing? My God, I don't even know what these words mean!" I don't think I could learn this in a four year course, and she learned it in OJT! Next to her, I'm as dumb as a rock. Need I mention that she earns over three times what I ever did?

As much as I rave about her, she's not unique. A few years ago, I had a problem with the Social Security Agency, and had to deal with the local office. I spent months wasting my time with three different men who couldn't solve the problem. Talk about dumb as a rock, one of them couldn't count double digits, and one didn't know how to send a successful email (one that didn't get lost or bounce back as 'undeliverable') Then I got to talk to a woman (on the phone, no less), and the problem was solved with that one call! I told my wife that I've learned that, no matter what the business, if you need something done, quickly and efficiently, seek out the woman. Whatever you need, it will get done!

reminds me of a sign I saw in an office once:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE MAN IN CHARGE

OR THE WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON?

I've seen that, mtpromises. It's supposed to be funny, but it's SOOOOO true!

Do you think it's because you can't spell "allowed"? The truth is that more & more, women are better educated than men.

We can & will do whatever we want. I definitely don't need a man to support me. I have 2 houses, go on vacation when & where I want to, go to weekly massages. You only think it's a sad country because men are no longer "kings of the castle".

If by men having no much say in what women want you mean that society has progressed in most places to the point where women are not chattle, then yes you are correct.

Men are not better then women nor vice versa. Neither side should have a say in what a fully functional adult is allowed to do.

Men are not better than women. They are equal with respect to value as a person. However, they are different and have different roles. The man's role is to be the provider and protector of the household. He is ultimately responsible for the well-being of the family. The wife is to submit to his leadership and fill in where he lacks. Society thinks that being submissive means you're less valuable. To the contrary, it often takes a greater person to submit and serve. Equal, but different. There is a natural order of things. There must be a hierarchy, and the man is the final authority.

First you have to be educated and know how to spell... ALLOWED.

Holy Christ. I didn't know there were still people who though this way.

Humans don't have pre-destined roles. Humans are governed by thought and will, not instinct.

There may be a natural order of things in the animal kingdom (and yes, I realize that we are all animals), but the moment you introduce intellect into the equation, the natural order of things goes out the window.

Are you kidding? You seriously thinks it's sad because women have choices? omg. I hope you don't have a daughter and never do.

Yes, there are people who still think this way. I wish there were more. Then, perhaps American society would not be going down the poopchute.

Perhaps the so-called "intellect" being introduced into the equation is faulty. The result of building society upon faulty intellect rather than established norms is kids who don't know who they are, what they're doing, or where they're going in life.

The intellect isn't faulty. The intellect simply is. But if you have "established norms" for men and women, you stunt the intellect and individuality.

Maybe Amelia Earhart and Marie Curie should have stayed at home in their naturally submissive roles to their husband's final authority.

You can't take a brilliant female mind or a vibrant female spirit and say "It is your pre-destined place to serve some man." You're trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. It wouldn't work for either party.

Also, kids having no idea where they're going is a product of trying to make kids what we want them to be instead of guiding them along the paths that best suit them. Pre-set societal norms are backward and archaic.

Unless you're talking about India's caste system or the Amish. Then it works just fine.

Are you kidding me? My husband and I have a loving and equal relationship based on respect. We both work and bring home the money. We both nuture our children. We discuss everything, the money brought into this house is OUR money not his or hers. We have 2 daughters and 1 son and we are teaching them to be outgoing, responsible, hardworking, compassionate and reasonable individuals.

It doesn't matter who makes more money. I doesn't matter who nurtures the children. The children are a combination of two people then two people should take on the care and love of these children. There is nothing wrong with society in this manner. Only knuckle draggers fail to see that what they think is flawed!

@krowdykutz

You're delusional. Men are not the "final authority". Should the one with the higher education make the final decision? I think that makes sense. Women are earning the majority of both 4 year and post-graduate degrees. I'm sorry to tell you that you now find yourself in a society where WOMEN have the final say.

Oh, sure - there may be some under-educated women that cling to your vision of how things work, but those of us with educated brains understand that WE have the power. Sorry I had to break it to ya.

I don't think it has anything to do with education. It has to do with structure. Absolutely both men and women should bring all knowledge to the table based on education, and absolutely both parents should take an active role in raising their kids. But at the end of the day, there needs to be one person, i.e. the male, who make the final decision and who ultimately bears the responsibility, whether the outcome is positive or negative. That is authority. Look at government as an example. The president is the final authority. He makes the decision and bears the responsibility, no matter what the outcome. His team of advisers are for more knowledgeable than him and bring a lot of good information to the discussion. But after all is said and done, he makes the tough choices, and everyone else needs to support that decision. So should it be in the family, with the husband as the leader. The wife is just as critical to the family as the husband, but the husband is the authority.

Women better start serving a man or they will be alone and miserable and old. Women have no right to think they can just come and go as they please. Some are starting careers and some are even getting into politics making decisions that effect men. I don't like it one bit.

Would your Mother agree with you or take you out back?

FYI, so people don't think I'm a woman-hater...

I consider a stay-at-home mom to be a full-time job, which is more difficult work in a lot of cases than going to the office for a 9 to 5. I have incredible respect for women who are able to effectively manage their homes and raise kids. Men do not have that ability.

Furthermore, I submit that a stay-at-home mom earns her keep just as much as dad does at the office. Just because dad has his name on the paycheck doesn't mean that mom doesn't work equally hard and shouldn't share equally in the bank account. Props to all stay-at-home moms who work their tails off to turn a house into a happy home.

Actually, I dig your 3rd post. That lends a lot of clarity to your original statement.

Have a great evening.

The Pig King is exactly what he calls himself, but I think krowdykutz got a little misunderstood. I understand what he's getting at, but that idea about structure is flawed now. What btone mentioned about the animal kingdom and that we were part of it was close to the argument. When we were cavemen and women, yes, the tough and hardy men were the hunter/gatherers, and the women took care of the kids/cave/meals/fire, all the 'home' stuff. It was the way it had to be to survive in that world. But we don't live in caves anymore (some of us, at least) and we don't have to do the things they did to survive. (Now be honest guys, when was the last time you had to fight off a sabretoothed tiger, or bring down a mastadon to feed the clan?) We go to the supermarket and buy our meat, now. How difficult and dangerous is that? Why it's so easy, the kids can go along. Like the old TV commercial said, the woman can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. And a lot better than a guy can, in many cases. It's not threatening, guys, it's progress.

There is one small point, however. I've had over the course of my lifetime, like most people, jobs that I've hated, bosses that I've hated working for, but had to work to live until something better came along. The only thing that bothers me, and should bother any REAL men, is a situation where the woman HAS to go into the workplace, such as because of this economy, potentially to a job or a boss like that. I just feel that it shouldn't happen to a woman, but that's just me.

Should the one with the higher education make the final decision?

Princess,

Not necessarily. If a man has a masters in music and his high school graduate wife has been in banking for 15 years, I would probably trust her with the purse strings.

Two of my best salesman have high school eds. They make a boatload of bread, and their decision making is some of the soundest I've ever seen.

Education isn't everything.

EEWW! after cooking and cleaning, will I be required to do OTHER duties???

Again I stand by my statement that a marriage and by way of that a family is a joint, equal partnership. No one person should make the decisions by themselves. My husband and I are both responsible for the decisions we make together. Just because he is a man doesn't mean that he should be the one responsible for the decision making. Men don't have all the answers, they are only one half of a whole!

Agreed. None of the answers applies to me. My wife works, but I make WAY more money than she does.

However, it wouldn't matter to me a second if she made more than me...if fact, I think it would be great!

How small and unhappy a person must be to be jealous of the one you love because they bring more money than you into the COLLECTIVE household fund?

If you measure your success based on dollars made, I afraid most of you, men and women, are going to be sorely dissappointed with your life.

I've mocked the people on the opposite side of the fence so I only feel it's fair to make note that it's a mistake--whether your parents told you or you came to the belief through anecdotal evidence--to make sweeping statements on either gender. Perhaps you just need to meet a better caliber of men. As noted below I'd have no problem with it. And though I make more than my wife so you could say "well, you don't know" I've got friends whose spouses make more than them and they're completely happy with the situation. Perhaps defensive ego driven dolts group up and confident men group up. I won't press my relationship views on you, if you're happy being single keep single (I've got buddies in that catagory as well) but if you're still game to find a mate just know men who look beyond paychecks to exist.

Exactly. This is especially true when your income hits the 6 figure mark. Your dating pool is reduced substantially - both because if you're making $200K, you don't want to date someone who's only making $60K - because that's too unevenly yoked. Conversely, they don't want to date you - unless they're hoping to take advantage of the situation.

I don't get it. If you're making 200K, why wouldn't you want to date someone making 60K? If he's got the personality or the intellect or whatever, does his W2 really make that much of a difference?

There should be an additional category at the top that says "Don't care. My wife's / husband's take home doesn't change the person or the relationship."

Wow, Savage Princess...that post says a lot about you. Pigeon hole people much? With that attitude, I'm not so sure money is the "why" you see the dating pool shrinking.

It doesn't matter how much my husband makes, it's him I fell in love with! It's who he is not what he makes that makes me love him more everyday! Even after 17 years I can honestly say that I feel the same way about him today as I did the day we married and then some!

Hold tight, DSW. I was an advertising exec making 6-figures when I met my husband, around 10 years ago...at which point he made less than half of my salary...which didn't matter at all, to either of us. He loved/loves me for who I am and he has confidence in who he is, and money simply didn't come into the equation. In the ten years since, we have had kids, and he has grown his career, while I let mine go to be with the kids (it's impossible to half-ass a career in advertising). For all of those 'judgers' out there...for some women, being home each day to hear each peep their little ones make may not be enough. I love my kids more than life itself....but I still have/need my own, personal challenges while I'm indeed still living. Finding the perfect middle-ground is now what our family is looking for. But, this is our own personal challenge. We are all different. Some women are thrilled with being home all day...as are some men. So be it. It is nobody's business but theirs.

At the end of the day, I'd like to see a lot less judgement by our society of other people. Mothers, fathers, gays, immigrants...you have it.

Live and let live, people.

@USAF Vet: I think what my post says about me is that I'm logical. I'll tell you why it makes a difference. In my personal situation, I've been saving for retirement since I was 18. I've also had a great career, so I own a couple of houses and I have assets. I like to travel and I like to get massages every week and I like to go to high-end restaurants. If I date someone making 1/3 of what I do... how are they going to share my interests? Because I can tell you I'm not paying for both of us. There's a reason I've been working 60 - 80 hours a week for 20 years... and it isn't to give someone a free ride.

Maybe it's an exercise in futility to try to explain my point. Women in my position are frequently quite different than a woman who chooses to get married and stay home with children. We have different priorities and have a very low tolerance for BS from someone we're dating.

The truth is that it's not just income that creates a small dating pool for me - it's primarily because men who are in the same position I am WANT stay at home wives - it's a status symbol. They also want dinner on the table and a clean house and to play that traditional role. What the vast majority do NOT want is a woman who is their equal in income, intelligence, drive, etc. It's too threatening for them. And truly, I am saying this from personal experience over the last 10 years.

(Not trying to be confrontational and apologize if it comes off that way.)

Those are fair enough answers from your perspective, but IMHO you continue to pigeon hole people with them. There's pragmatic and then there's elitist.

What makes you so sure the VAST majority of men who make good money are threatened by a equal partner...or a partner who makes more?

What makes you so sure that they want a status symbol v. a loving wife...perhaps a loving wife (or husband) is a status symbol nowadays?

What makes you so sure that your priorities and BS level tolerance is any different from a women who opts stay at home and have children? Life and love have a peculiar way of changing peoples minds about things.

This is quite a set of labels for quite a large group of people. Even in 10 years, you can't have dated or even met the vast majority of them. Same goes for the men who make under whatever the required income level is to be considered worthy.

I can understand a certain amount of pride or contentment at being successful...and a certain amount of caution for your own wellbeing, but to catagorically rule out a relationship based on a person's income...because you don't want to "carry" them, or you automatically assume that they are trying to take advantage of you or are jealous of you....then well, let's just say if that's your going in position, it's no wonder that things don't work out better.

If I date someone making 1/3 of what I do... how are they going to share my interests?

Princess,

That explains a lot. If your interests are ones that require spending lots of money, then I can see your dilemma.

My interests are reading, writing, playing the piano, biking, etc. Pretty low cost stuff. As a result, I can date just about anyone and be perfectly happy and confident that they aren't trying to fleece me.

I don't think the men who make your kind of money are looking for a stay at home wife for status reasons. I think it's a simple matter of necessity. If a guy has the type of time consuming career that usually accompanies pulling down 200K, he would almost need a home maker to raise a family. Having two people who are both dedicated to their careers would make raising the kids tough.

And truthfully, I don't know too many guys who want to marry a person of lesser intelligence. Looks fade. Brains are forever.

Just to clarify I am not a stay at home mom, I have a career, three beautiful children, one adoring husband who happens to make less than I do. But, funny enough, we share common interests. Mainly they are our children at this point but we connect on so many levels. I remember when I was younger saying that it was so sad to see "old" married couples sitting at dinner and not saying anything to each other. Now I know that isn't sad, it's that they are so comfortable with each other that it doesn't need to be said! They are communicating on a totally different level, at least for me and my husband we are! Don't assume people who get married and have children are any less driven in their careers, it just gets diverted a little with football practice, cheerleading, baseball, basketball................................

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I have a number of female friends that have also dated deadbeats and although we tried to warn them they continued. Fortunately, neither had children that complicated the matter. Specific to their case only, I implore women to make good choices when dating to reduce the chances of your situation.

And I would expect the men in our world to start "manning up" and commit to both your girl and especially your children. I could not imagine not being there for mine every day let alone seldom or never.

See Savage Princess and DSW above for their twist, love of money is what it sounds like , on why they would never date you, or me for that matter even if we were single.

Overall, more power should go to women worldwide but we know how well that is going.

Work hard, play fair and be respectful to your spouse.

@CapnJohnSmith: love of money? No. Someone's ability to share my interests - definitely. If you want to focus on money though, for money's sake, generally people are stupid when making decisions that impact their money and their financial well-being when it comes to love. People generally don't protect themselves from financial ruin following a divorce. I have both a male friend and a female friend who are prime examples of this. Naturally, I would never allow that to happen to me. And neither should anyone else.

Totally accurate Inayat... My husband had an hourly wage as water delivery. He was happy just bringing home a little something into the pot for a while... though he's very smart and does our investing account management. He realized he didn't want to "haul water and salt" til he retired, so he has gone back to school for GIS - something I never would have pegged him for after knowing him for close to 20 years.

And, though I'm jealous he's back in school (I would be a lifelong student if I could get away with it), I did tell him to just quit the job. Go for it. We'll adjust the finances to my single income - because whether he gets a job in his field when he retires - or goes back to work at Blockbuster while looking for GIS work, it will have made him happy, and we are a team that could adjust.

Why would you marry someone who thinks you can't make a good decision? The problem here is that some couples really should not marry.

I'm with you Jobo. I am the husband, and and the sole breadwinner mostly through a series of life events, but if the roles were reversed I'd be completely fine. The answers are only "women are the primary breadwinner" or, "the women isn't a primary bread winner and I have some issue with it". I would have voted "my wife is not the bread winner but would be fine if she were".

I think you're assuming that most households that have dual incomes, do so out of choice. The fact is, it was easier for families to live on one income years ago, than it is now. Most couples I know require two incomes to pay the mortgage, etc. Much of this can also be attributed to regions of the country and where you live. I live in the northeast and can tell you, most people cannot afford home purchases on one income. Do not assume everyone is indulging in luxury spending.

Another factor to be considered is, what if a woman chooses to become educated and work? Men have been working, getting married and having children since the beginning of time. Where is there a law written, that prevents women from doing the same? Wanting to have a career does not make a woman less of a mother; time for men to step up to the plate and get further involved in the lives of their children. Most men I know happily do so. They are as active in parenting, as their wives and their children are so much better for it. Men and women should be working as a team...earning enough to support their families and keep them safe. At the same time, it's best when they're both available to spend time off with their children as a family. It gives the children a better sense of balance and the parents a greater sense of satisfaction and happiness. Neither sex should be viewed as a paycheck.

I WANT my daughter to see that she can work if she wants and still be a decent person, wife if she wants to be, mother if she wants to be...

We ARE raising our daughter, not the daycare. I am the enforcer in our house, my husband is the advisor. He's too scared to spank her (afraid he'll hurt her). But we still encourage her, discipline her, mentor her and love her as a team. She sees this respectful and loving relationship. She'll WANT that for herself in her relationships. She's LIVING the Golden Rule, and my having a career and my husband going to school to get a better paying career have ABSOLUTELY no impact on who we are as people or our overriding priority to have a healthy and loving life with our family and friends.

Think outside the borders of your own lives, people. I had a mother that was not physically affectionate (very, very few hugs, kisses, cuddles after 4 years old)... but I KNEW she loved me. She would die or kill for me and she didn't take any crap from anyone that tried to hurt me (including my skip out father that called at 2am on my b-day because he managed to remember it after coming home from the bar).

Children understand love a lot more deeply than any adults ever give them credit for.

My having a job/career and my husband going to school/work would never impact her perception of how loved and wanted she is and how DESERVING of love and respect she should feel.

you're right. I'm lucky to make good pay, so can afford to have my husband stay home with the kids, but if I made half of what I'm making now, I don't think we'd make it. We sacrifice a lot as it is, I don't think we could sacrifice more. But then, if we both worked, we'd have day care costs as well, so that would put an even bigger dent in the pay, so it wouldn't make sense to have both of us work for less money. Wow, I don't think i made any sense there.

Right on Orig Sylko!! I'm in a similar position - I had more earning potential because of my degree, so before we even married we planned for my husband to stay home with kids full-time as long as possible. We struggle to keep up & have had to sacrifice, but it is so worth it to see our children grow & thrive!!

Again, there's an "if" in there. IF the mother could support the family, why is it better for her to be home than the father?

My husband's income could not support us. It doesn't lessen him at all. And he does housework he never did before (and picked up on his own, I might add) that I was stuck doing for a family of 7 though my whole childhood. THAT is priceless to me.

He's nurturing while still masculine. He's intelligent but still jokes constantly at my daughter's 6 year old level. He seems to be having a LOT of fun being a dad.

Why should I take that away from him if I still get my own cuddles and kisses and hugs and school/art work reviews and time at the park and Chuck E. Cheese and the zoo, etc. and our daughter is happy and I'm happy and he's happy?

Because of human evolution that made the stronger sex the hunter?

We don't have to hunt anymore. Now, we need to examine EBIDTA (EBITDA?), find code errors in Java, balance spreadsheets, get the steamed milk to 120 degrees and any other number of service related duties.

I've never had to kill my own food, neither has he.

And, you know... MOMMA's got a brain in her head and IS still a social creature. Work allows any human to get out of their cave and meet other humans.

Are you saying Momma is only worth conversation at whatever her child's age is at the moment - or living vicariously through the soaps and reality TV? Do you think Momma fulfills her needs for acceptance by shopping with Poppa's money?

I hope you can see how insulting the thought can be when boiled down to the options women would have if the sole caregiver. Marriage is a partnership... and all vested partners deserve the chance at what makes them happy - because it will make the family unit stronger and happier as well.

I don't think men have the problem, read some of savage princess' stuff. I find a lot of women think like her, which is why they, and I, are in the nearly 35% of US adults who have never married, and probably never will.